Amnesia
by redeem
Summary: They say you never forget your first love. But what if all you had left was a new fantasy? One so surreal that it could not possibly be true. Too fantastic, too unimaginable, too terrifying for it not to be all just a dream? And that's whats really scary
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"But our love, it was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we-

Of many far wiser than we-

And neither the angels in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul,

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee."

-Edgar Allen Poe

-…They say you never forget your first love…-

I've never given much thought to memory.

I've always known it to be a cumulative process, building and building and intertwining with other fragments of thought and reality.

Sometimes that reality is distorted by our daydream fantasies, and after a time we begin to remember the fantasy rather than the actual fact. It becomes so intertwined with our true memory of the event that we can have trouble telling the difference between our dreams and our daydreams. Of course, with enough effort, the details reluctantly unravel from their intertwined places in our thoughts, and it becomes painfully clear what is the truth and what we _want_ the truth to be.

Sometimes it's more enjoyable to remember the fantasy. To forget our reality.

But what if you had neither?

What if all you had left was a new fantasy… one so surreal that it couldn't possibly be reality. It couldn't possibly be true. Too fantastic, too unimaginable, too terrifying for it not to be all just a dream.

And that's what really scary.

_Because you can't tell the difference. _


	2. Simple, Sunny Days

31/05/2007 15:04:00

Amnesia

Bella Swan was bored.

Boredom was, in fact, a state of mind. Boredom often referred to a lack of positive (sometimes even negative) stimulation, and usually occurred in impatient people.

However, Bella Swan was an exceedingly patient person. Even to the point of being eerie at times.

That was… until she met Edward Cullen. Now, she found it next to impossible to be out of his sight for more than a few minutes without suffering from a serious case of withdrawal, falling into near hysterics or being lulled into an odd sense of… nothingness. Boredom.

Edward had finally—albeit grudgingly—agreed to go hunting. His eyes had remained a dark ocher color far too long, and even Carlisle was getting slightly apprehensive. So using his "fatherly authority," he had finally persuaded Edward to accompany the family on the tri-monthly trip to Mt. Rainier – hence the reason why Bella was suffering from a _complete_ lack of stimulation.

Her life had clearly become Pre-Edward and Post-Edward – or, in this case, During-Edward. She could think of little else that kept her _really_ occupied outside of her beloved vampire boyfriend, save reading. And reading definitely wasn't an option at that particular moment. Unfortunately, her favorite author, Jane Austen, not to mention all of her other favorite works, reminded her of the currently absent love of her life.

Bella flopped back on her bed, her mahogany hair splaying out across the flowered comforter. She closed her eyes and clenched her fists, almost like trying to suppress inner shudders of frustration. This was absolutely _impossible!_

_"Fine,"_ she muttered angrily, while sweeping herself off the bed – only to fall hard on her knees onto the floor. She pushed herself up to a sitting position and examined the damage. "Oww." Her knees were pulsing uncomfortably and a small hole was beginning in the knee of her jeans. "_Grreeaat_," she sarcastically groaned, while blowing strands of hair out of her heart-shaped face.

Reseignedly, she released a heavy sigh and glanced down at her watch. Again. She was half-hoping that the time would have significantly changed from the last time she checked. Nope. It was only 2:15. Edward wouldn't be home until six.

As she took another look at her throbbing knee, Bella realized that she was actually sitting in a patch of sunlight. It was glowing light and white around her room, a sight that was rarely present in Forks, even in the summer months. , even toward the summer, in Forks.

Ah, the sun. Another reason Edward had to go hunting today. Sunlight would just mean that he and his family had to remain indoors all day, and none of them particularly enjoyed that. They all loved the warm inviting rays, too, despite the social out-casting they receive because of its presence.

But the ample sunshine brought new possibilities for her. It was hard not to be cheerful when sublime radiance was staring you in the face, almost begging you to smile.

She had a startlingly brilliant idea. If she had to be physically removed from Edward, then she would go to the one place where it felt as if he was always there – where his presence never really left. The meadow.

She hadn't been to the meadow since her solo-excursion just a short month ago. To her, it had been almost dead then, a vacant gravesite of a life she once knew and cherished. But that meadow always held surprises. That _was_ where she had her first glimpse of Jake's pack, after all. And even though the expedition didn't exactly go according to plan (almost becoming Laurent's lunch was a major factor), she was glad that she had gone. To her, it proved that her cherished memories were not just a dream, that she hadn't just imagined all of the blissful happiness.

Jake. Things still weren't good with him. She had phoned nearly every night after Edward was bid a stiff, albeit polite, adieu by Charlie promptly at nine o'clock. When he "departed for the evening," Bella knew she had about fifteen minutes to call before her boyfriend would be lying on her bed, with his hands behind his head, smiling mischievously at her. And as expected, Billy had answered every time, not even bothering to say that Jake wasn't home anymore.

_He still doesn't want to talk to you, Bella. I'm sorry. _

It infuriated her to no end!

It had been immeasurably devastating to lose the love of her life. But losing her best friend left a hole in her heart too… one that even Edward couldn't fill. One's heart could only be mangled a certain number of times before the holes were too big to fix.

Fortunately, the sunlight would not allow her mood to dampen. It continued to shine in her face until she realized that her brilliant plan-making wasn't over yet. Yes, she would go to the meadow, _but_ she would take a short detour through La Push first….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Everyone was having fun, even Edward. Though most of the time he preferred to sulk around, mooning over the fact that he was still 102.59 miles away from Bella at that very moment.

But Jasper had challenged Edward to their favorite game—how many of Mt. Rainier's predators they could sneak up upon and attack in complete silence. Emmett had wanted to play herd-'em-up-as-fast-as-you-can, but Carlisle disapproved of that particular game. He, in all his never-ending compassion, didn't think it was right to prolong the suffering of the animal before feeding.

So Emmett reluctantly threw himself into Jasper and Edward's game. He, of course, had a significantly harder time of it. Stealth just wasn't as much fun, and his patience would always wear thin. So, he would simply end up scaring an animal into flight, and began the chase. Jasper preferred the quiet finesse of the stealth approach, and today Edward was all too happy to play along.

The others, however, decided not to join in on the fun. Rosalie was too worried that something might happen to her new Coco Chanel halter if she were to traipse in the underbrush, while Carlisle and Esme preferred to leave the hunting games to their "children." Normally, Alice didn't mind joining the boys, but her thirst wasn't to the point where she needed to hunt yet. She had gone with Jasper not four days ago, because they wanted to test his strength further and went to the movies. The extra nourishment was an added precaution, since he would be in such close quarters with humans for over two hours.

So instead, she sat in a secluded clearing with Rose, who was openly admiring the fact that her flawless hand sparkled more than the five carat diamond solitaire on her left ring finger. Unable to keep from laughing over the narcissistic display, she chirped, "At least, we can soak up the sun and not worry about anyone seeing us!"

"That's true, I suppose," Rosalie sighed before absently flipping her long flaxen hair over her shoulder. She took a casual glance over at Alice, and daintily picked a blade of grass off of Alice's shoulder.

"But, I wish they would hurry," she then complained, admiring the look of her own recently bared skin. "I _do_ have other things to do, you know!"

"Oh I'm sure you do," Alice sarcastically replied, shaking her head. Rose was Rose, and that wasn't ever going to change.

It _was_ a nice day, beautiful even, but at the same time she loathed it. No, she couldn't really say that either, because she only wished that she could go somewhere public without having the humans run away crying and screaming. _Go to a beach maybe,_ she thought, closing her eyes and smiling whimsically. What would a sunburn feel like anyway? Of course, she couldn't actually get one, but it was fun to wonder. Then she considered how much fun it would be if she could get Bella to go with her _and_ wear a tiny bikini. Oh yeah… that _would_ be fun! She could see Bella's cherry red blush already!

"I wonder what Bella's doing…," Alice muttered to herself, deciding to see if she could take a peek into what her best friend's afternoon was like. As she opened her mind, she vaguely heard Rose's small sigh. The sound was almost… jealous, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. She was already phasing into a dreamlike state and if she were to question it now, she might lose the vision. And it was coming on hard.

At first, it seemed innocent enough – just Bella driving down a winding, foresty road, absently humming along to a catchy tune. Then it started flickering, as if bits and pieces of it were purposely cut away. It was confusing, flashes of black, white, and silver, enveloped her mind. Vehicles, at least she saw those, and it appeared as if they were moving closer together….

But before she could decipher anything else, the entire scene exploded with the horrific sound of screeching tires prior to everything going horribly blank.

"_Edddwwwaaard!"_ she screamed both mentally and verbally.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Edward had persuaded Bella to let him temporarily bequeath his silver Volvo to her while he was on Mt. Rainier. He claimed it was because he was afraid that sometime, in the near future, her truck would just break down on the highway and then she'd be stuck. Though, he put it in much more descriptive, choice words. He didn't think her truck in the least bit safe! So one evening, while she was at work, he persuaded Rosalie to take it to her garage to tinker with it. After all, he knew she would drive it anyway, just to spite him.

_That boy was always one step ahead…._

Bella hid her admiration of the silvery piece of machinery when she slipped into the driver's seat. Then after turning the key in the ignition, she pretended to ignore that the purr of the engine was much more comforting than that of her beastly truck.

_My truck has character. It's durable and I like it. And next time I won't let him trick me, s_he thought while pulling out of the parking spot in front of her house.

Out of habit, she reached over and flicked the power button of the stereo to _on_. Instantly, a sweet, jazzy tune came twinkling out of the speakers. She wasn't quite in the mood for such a mellow song, especially since the lovely piano piece was another painful reminder that her beloved was simply too far away. So with nimble (for once) fingers, she absently flipped through the radio stations until she found something a little more heart pumping, one that accentuated her mood. No, there really wasn't anything better than good old rock-n-roll!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Curse you, Jacob Black. Why did you have to pick now of all times to go visit Bella Swan?_

Paul swore loudly in his mind, hunching over the wheel of the large white truck he was currently driving. The cab clearly wasn't big enough to fit his ever growing frame. Embry and Quil were in the back seat, arguing about some insignificant detail of the one-on-one basketball game they'd held earlier that morning, and the sound of it was giving Paul a migraine. Not to mention the added tension from the return of the leeches was taking its toll on all of them. It was enough to make anyone's blood boil, and in his case, it literally was!

He was still pissed off at Jake for breaking their plans to go and check on his 'girlfriend.' Poor guy. He felt almost sorry for his friend. But when Bella had chosen the bloodsuckers over them, Paul took it very hard, almost as hard as Jake. He was not very forgiving when it came to betrayal, and choosing a bunch of bloodsuckers over the pack was the highest form of betrayal, in his opinion. Now they couldn't associate with her. She belonged to the leeches.

The heat of the gas pedal was beginning to burn Paul's bare foot. He looked down despondently, staring at his foot and wishing, yet again, that he could wear suitable clothing. Much less afford it.

_But of course… the bloodsuckers have all sorts of money. I bet that's why Bella chose them over us. They can afford nice clothes, and fancy, shiny cars. _Paul sulked acidly, though deep down he knew that he was just feeling sorry for himself. But then again, what was it with vampires and their odd fetish for all things shiny?

Then, ironically, he saw it. Shiny and silvery. A luxury sedan, with its sleek steel frame, torque-d engine with ample horsepower, and luxurious tinted windows, cruising across the dirt-paved road toward them, a few hundred feet away. It was a startlingly familiar silver Volvo.

_Edward Cullen's startlingly familiar silver Volvo._

Wait! What the hell was he doing on Quileute territory? Was he so dim that he forgot if he crossed the borderline, the ever-so-significant treaty was broken?

Wait, the treaty!

Cullen had broken the treaty! It had begun – the war. The face-off had finally come. Werewolves verses vampires.

"I should go tell Sam," he growled silently. Quil and Embry were too far gone in their conversation to realize the significance of the moment. Nor would he enlighten them, since he knew what their suggestion would be. Destroy the cold-one! No, he would go to Sam. He would know what to do about this suicidal leech, what the best plan of action would be. If Cullen wanted a war, then a war he would get.

But at the same time, he didn't want to just leave it all up to Sam. He wanted the trespasser to suffer. He wanted to take out all of his anger on that leech for everything they had put him through. The tension. The boundaries. The transformation.

Oh how his transformation was burned into his mind.  
It was like a scorching hand had gripped his memories and wouldn't relinquish its hold. Pain… the most significant memory was of the feeling of absolute pain.

And he wanted Cullen to feel _excruciating_ pain.

His fury was telling him to settle it now, but his head was telling him to talk to Sam. He couldn't do anything rash. He needed wait for Sam.

But his fury must not have been listening to the reason of his head. Almost against his will, the wheel seemed to jerk itself out of his hands and to the left just as Cullen's car was about to pass him on the opposite side of the road. As if in a dream, he watched his truck plowing to the center of the road, now facing Cullen's car. Inches away from contact, mere moments before impact, Paul could feel his blood boil hotter than ever, both fear and panic gripping him. He only prayed that it would be over soon.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

No,_ No_, NO!

_Alice's vision couldn't possibly be true_, he thought desperately as waves of dread and anxiety washed over him like a monsoon. When he had thrown Rosalie's M3 into gear, Edward drew only the slightest satisfaction from the tires squealing in protest to the mounting speed. It was just like Phoenix. The same clawing fear, the loss, the fury ravaged at him, as well as the horrific feeling that he was going to be too late.

_There she was, my angel's face, blood dripping out of a deep cut in her head down her radiant cheeks. She was limp, unmoving and unbreathing. Her heartbeat was slow and growing fainter._

The memory ripped at his insides. Too many feelings were coursing through his veins—he couldn't distinguish one from the other. Volatile. Unstable.

At the speed he was going, roughly 200 miles per hour (thank God Rose had chipped her car), he should reach La Push in a few more minutes. The one place – _the only place_ – it was forbidden for his family to go. Thoughts of the treaty, and all its conditions were quickly mulled over in head, but, just a quickly, he cast it aside.

_Screw the treaty._

If Bella was hurt, there wouldn't be a reason for any of them to stay in Forks anymore, and if she died…. Well, that was simple. He would go to Italy again or he would let the wolves have him. This time no one would stop him from ending his immortality.

He was glad that Emmett had the foresight to keep an extra long black sweater in the back seat, for sunny days such as this. Not even taking his eyes off the road, he reached behind him and, in one fluid motion, pulled the sweater over his head. The lightening-quick flash of darkness instantly reminded him of Alice's vision.

The vision wasn't too clear. It came to his sister in flashes – each fragment being separated by obscurity. He didn't even know how much time was left. The sensation of it ticking away was silently taunting him. It felt as if fate had finally beaten him – like he would not win this time. Only a mile away, on the clean stretch of road, and Edward swore he felt, yet again, his heart pounding soundlessly. He could almost feel the terrified _thump-thump_ in his chest.

_Thump-thump_….

Then he saw it.

_Thump-thump…. _

Two vehicles, one white, one silver, driving on opposite sides of the road.

_Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump…._

He was too late.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Bella was humming along to the music, for once a catchy tune she knew.

_Don't worry, baby (Don't worry baby)._

_Everything will turn out alright._

As she drove a little further into La Push, she saw an oncoming truck, a large white one that had the mentality of a tank. A lot like her truck. It must have been one of the packs'! After all, it was Jacob's father who had given her the truck she had now. How funny! She absently wondered where they were going, and if Jacob was in there with them. It would figure that he would leave just as she was coming to see him.

But for some reason, she couldn't shake a sudden odd feeling of apprehension. It was clawing inside her and freezing her up. She jerked her head over to the white truck and stared incomprehensively. Why was she suddenly so scared?

_I'll never forget you; you know I never can…._

She did not even register the music that was playing as she inched closer to the truck. Bella kept her eyes trained on it, trying to see who it was behind the windshield, but unfortunately the sun was glinting just right in her eyes. The road had taken the slightest curve, and she was blinded by the brilliant light glinting off the windshield and scorching her. Everything was white.

Then it felt as if the world was collapsing upon itself. The ground seemed to shake and crumble. There were horrible screeching and grinding sounds that seemed to burst her eardrums. It suddenly occurred to her the world was spinning. Then it began to crush her. The air dissipated, like someone had punched her in the stomach. There was pain in the midst of the surrounding, splintering chaos that only she could feel. She registered there was something sharp prodding her in the head, but she could not tell what it was.

And almost as quickly as it had started, time stopped. The shaking, the air compressing, the scraping sensations, they just ceased. It was as if the explosion had frozen in place. Thoughts of Edward vaguely flashed through her mind. Edward's face… like her hallucinations begging her to hold on… never forget… never forget_… _

_Never forget how much I love you…. _

The world was still filled with blinding white light. Then, within a span of a heartbeat, all she saw was black.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………_.………………………………………………………………………………………………………_

_Thump-thump_

It was getting closer and closer – the white truck. Suddenly, it swerved to the left just as his car passed. The crunch was horrific as the force of impact pushed the smaller vehicle off the side of the road. Edward watched in horror, as the truck screeched to a halt while the Volvo was sent spinning out of control. It was rotating, like a nightmarish merry-go-round, toward the forest lining the roadway before finally coming to a jolting stop as the driver side slammed into a tree.

Finally, all was still.

"_Bella!"_ Edward roared, leaping out of the car and speeding toward the passenger side of the destroyed vehicle. The driver's side was crushed in nearly all the way and tightly pinned against the tree trunk.

Edward ran faster than he had ever run in his life. In a flash he was there, instantly ripping the door from its hinges before flinging it aside. There his breath choked when Bella's broken frame came into view. She was crumpled like a rag doll. The only thing keeping her semi-upright was the seatbelt, while her head was resting against the center console of the car. The airbags had all deployed, thank goodness, but what really worried him was the fact that several branches had pierced the windows, including a broken, splintering one that was partially resting on her lap. Without a second thought, Edward knelt on the seat and swept the debris aside with a quick brush of his hand.

Thankfully, there wasn't much blood, most of it coming from the small cuts and scrapes on her face and one nasty looking abrasion above her left ear. Though, he was fairly certain that even if it was gushing, the overpowering scent wouldn't have been the least bit distracting. However, she was most definitely unconscious, which worried him to no end. So, he put is two bouts of medical school to good use. Very quickly, he assessed her broken form, struggling to hold back a choking sob, before unbuckling the seatbelt and gently removing her from the car, making sure to keep her back as stable as possible.

Edward gently picked up Bella's frail frame. In the background he heard voices, and the minds belonging to them. He turned, a cold, hateful expression set on his perfect features, his eyes now a menacing obsidian, despite his recent feeding. He didn't even care that his hands and face were sparkling like diamonds. There was no reason to keep secrets here.

The wretched dogs were watching him incredulously, their eyes darting from his sparkling skin, to Bella's frail frame emerging from the car, to Edward's murderous face. They felt his wrath burn into them with those icy, cold eyes. If it weren't for Bella in his arms that very moment, he would have leapt upon them in an instant.

The face-off had come. Vampires verses werewolves.

Both parties stared at each other with the utmost hatred in their eyes, although those of Paul, Quil, and Embry held a deep sense of shock and confusion. But the blanket of tension was broken by a single, soft whimpering noise. Edward's head whipped down and his mesmerizing eyes were filled with something other than frozen rage; hope.

Bella's chocolate eyes flickered open.

Edward released a breath he hadn't realized he hadn't been holding, and searched her eyes carefully. "Bella…," he murmured softly, slipping his hand up just enough to gently brush her cheek. But her eyes troubled him. The chocolate, depthless pools held confusion as they looked him over slowly, carefully. Edward realized, with mounting horror, what was missing from her eyes – the light of recognition and joy whenever she looked upon his face.

Bella searched his face slowly, uncomprehendingly, and carefully she opened her lips to speak….

"Who are you?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………_.………………………………………………………………………………………………………_

**AN- I just want to say thank you to my lovely beta. Without her I'd probably still be staring at my computer screen screaming in frustration. You're the best!**

**-redeem-**

**PS- Hey! You! Reader! Reviews are like candy…I **_**like**_** candy…**


	3. First Sight

**Disclaimer-Ownership rights to Twilight… you kid me. **

First Sight

Bella Swan's eyes lazily flickered open at the command of the irritating sound.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _

At first, all she saw was white, but the flash of the vacant hue was soon sharpening into a beige, tannish color. Then a tacky flower pattern focused into view. Repeating, and repeating…. Wait, why all the flowers? The room shifted in her sight, and she saw a chair. A chair, sitting in front of the floral print. Did the flowers mean something? They… Wait, where they were _on_ something? Oh, a wall. It was the wallpaper. But the chair – there was a large mass in it. The entity was mostly black, with some white in it. And bronze. It was a vivid burnish color that appeared to be floating, like wispy feathers, amongst the darker shades

The room shifted again with the mass finally taking shape. And sitting in the chair was a man. Or a boy, she couldn't be sure. He had the palest alabaster complexion she had ever seen, and not to mention a wonderful, unusual shade of hair. Bronze, it seemed. The boy's long, white fingers were threaded through the perfectly mussed tresses, his elbows resting on his knees. She could distinguish dark, bruise-like shadows beneath his closed eyes. It looked like he hadn't slept in a month.

She shifted, ever so slightly, and the bronze head jerked up, eyes snapping open. It was then that she glimpsed his eyes. It was then that she had her first glimpse of those haunted—ancient eyes. If that was even possible, especially since the onyx orbs were set upon a face so young and handsome. Breathtakingly beautiful. His piercing gaze was intense, as if he was trying to see into her very heart and soul. And it frightened her, at least at first. But then she saw something else. Sorrow and guilt were also churning within their unfathomable depths. Almost as if he held the weight of the world on his shoulders, and had no way to unshoulder the burden.

But, before she could further analyze the young man sitting in front of her he rose from the chair.

_Goodness,_ he was tall. He took two long, powerful strides across the room and over to her bed before kneeling beside it. After a moment, he gripped her hand and brushed her forehead with a gentle fingertip. His skin was like ice, though not in an unpleasant way… like cool granite. Nevertheless, she couldn't help but jump a little. He immediately released her hand, and his dark, obsidian eyes searched her very carefully. _So slowly_. Still he did not speak. His eyes lingered on the bandaged covered gash on her head, just above her left ear, then on her lips, and finally on her eyes. They seemed to be searching for something – something vitally important.

"Bella," he murmured ever so softly. It was the most musical, soothing purr she had ever heard, like singing. "Bella, do you remember what happened? Anything at all?"

She stared at him for a long, long moment before shaking her head.

The beautiful boy's face sank, ever so slightly. He murmured, as if he was afraid that speaking in normal tones would break her. "The crash? Any of it?"

Still again she shook her head. No.

His features were filled with dread, and it looked like it pained him to ask the next question. "Do you know who I am?"

Bella searched his eyes hungrily, but it was all for vain. The light of recognition did not touch her eyes. She shook her head, almost despondently. "No," she whispered, for the first time.

The boy's features changed, only for a second. She could not determine all of the emotions at once, but she thought she understood one.

Pain.

But as soon as it had changed, his stunning face had turned unreadable and his eyes expressionless. Smooth and unliving as a cold, marble statue.

"How do you do, Bella Swan, my name is Edward Cullen."

Bella stared at him for a long moment, and did not speak. Her eyes kept appraising him. They held a shy, demure look he hadn't seen in a long time…. Like the time they had first spotted each other. Her eyes looked down at him carefully, taking in all of him, and there was evident awe expressed on her face. And the slightest hint of fear.

Fear… like the first time they met.

"Please excuse me, I'll be back later," Edward began, standing upright as the enormity of the situation sank in. With a quick glance at the door, he added, "I think your doctor wants to speak with you." He flashed a gentle smile where she caught a glimpse of the gleam of his perfect, white teeth. Then, before she could return a response, he disappeared through the exit.

With a mixture of confusion and frustration written all over her features, Bella watched as the door started to swing shut. However, before she even had a chance to contemplate the incredibly handsome stranger (though for some reason he felt achingly familiar), or to even blink for that matter, another person glided in. It was another stunningly beautiful man, only this one appeared to be a few years older with sandy blonde hair and topaz eyes. He was also wearing a white lab coat. Oh, this must be the doctor he –_Edward –_ just mentioned. But how could he have known the doctor was coming?

The doctor turned his head to stare at the door, for only a brief moment, before he faced her. He wore a gentle smile on his smooth face. "Hello, Bella, my name is Dr. Cullen."

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Edward walked down the corridor a little too fast to be a regular human's pace before turning down a hallway.

_The_ hallway.

It was the hallway where he had stopped to talk to Bella, just after the car accident that one frosty morning during their junior year. _The one he made it in time to save her from. _Where she looked right into his eyes, and saw right through him.

Those fathomless chocolate eyes….

And when he was sure no one could hear him, he choked out a terrible, heartbreaking sob.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

_Ring, Ring, Ring…._

With a cell phone against her ear, Alice impatiently tapped a foot against the tile of the sterile hospital floor. _Of course Charlie won't pick up his cell; he's too busy racing to the hospital!_

She knew Charlie that was on his way – her vision told her as much. But that wasn't the only thing it showed her. She also saw what kind of state he was in, and it worried her. He was consumed with grief as the fear of the unknown sent him teetering close to the edge of a stress induced stroke. After all, when he received word of Bella's car accident, he was only told that she was rushed to Forks Community Hospital by ambulance because of a serious car accident. And that was it – or at least that was all he heard because just as soon as the words "Bella" and "car accident" came from the dispatcher's mouth, he immediately snapped his cell phone shut and was racing from his favorite fishing hole to the squad car.

He even left his gear and catch by the riverside.

Alice hated seeing him like that and wanted to, at very least, set his mind at ease. Besides, with how reckless he was driving (lights flashing and siren blaring) he could quite possibly cause an accident on his own. He wasn't even slowing down for intersections, which reminded her way too much of how Edward drove.

"Oh Edward…," she murmured, snapping her phone shut as she started to pace just inside the ER's entrance. He wasn't in much better shape than what Charlie was, and he even knew Bella was okay. Well, at least physically. "At least he was rational enough to take off right before the EMT's got there."

_Which was a blessing, especially since there wasn't a cloud in the sky_, she then thought, while hitting the redial button. She might as well try Charlie again.

Finally, on the fifth ring he picked up.

"Hello," he shortly huffed out. "Who is this?"

"Charlie, its Alice Cullen."

"Alice, what happened?"

Alice heard the question in reverb an instant before the swoosh of the entrance's sliding doors caught her attention. Turning toward the motion, she watched as Charlie came stumbling through the glass double doors.

……………………………………………………………………………………

"Bella, can you tell me anything about what happened over the last few hours?" Carlisle held his clipboard at his side, and gingerly lowered himself onto the bed beside her feet. He studied her carefully, almost like he was attempting to x-ray right through her and see exactly what was wrong.

Bella sighed and shook her head, almost angrily. "No, I don't. I don't remember anything, Doctor. I don't even know where I am!" She began to shake, ever so slightly, and soon realized that tears were trickling down her cheeks.

"Bella, Bella, it's alright. Its okay, I'll explain everything I can, sweetheart." Carlisle laid a hand on the blanket, resting on Bella's stomach, careful not to touch her skin.

_I wonder… Edward says this often works…. _He gentled his face and leaned in just a little closer, staring at her straight in the eyes and making sure she was staring straight back. Unmoving and careful. Slowly, Bella began to stop weeping, and gazed back at him, her breath slowing, her heart-rate beating at an irregular pattern. Mesmerized. Dazzled.

_Impressive, Edward is right. _

"There, there now, no reason to be frightened. You are in Forks, Washington, at the hospital. You were in a car accident. Do you remember your name?"

Bella's lip quivered slightly, and breathed her answer, "Bella Swan."

"Mhmmm, that's right." Carlisle smiled gently. "Do you know who your parent's are?"

Bella looked as if she were about to answer again, but stopped, frozen for a moment like the names were on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't quite place them. She held the expression for a long moment, before shaking her head. "No."

"I see," Carlisle answered quietly. He pulled out his clipboard and glanced down it briefly. "Well Bella, you were in a car accident and, as a result of a head injury, you are now experiencing a form of Amnestic Disorder or, in lament's terms, a case of retrograde amnesia. I'm sure that with a little time you will regain your memory, but I would like to do some neurological tests first." He tilted his head slightly, as if he was listening for something, before speaking again, "Ah, I think your father is here, I'm sure he would like to speak with you."

The beautiful man turned his head and looked back at the door, which slammed open to reveal a frantic looking Charlie, his expression white and horrified.

"Bella!" He strode over to her side, and knelt beside the bed. He ran a hand over her hair and his eyes grazed over her quickly. "Bella honey, are you alright? What happened, what –"

He did not notice Bella's confused expression until Carlisle stepped into view and quietly silenced him. "Charlie, she experienced head trauma as a result from the crash. Right now, she doesn't recognize anyone…," Carlisle trailed off as it took Charlie a moment to comprehend what he had said.

"Head trauma…," he silently repeated. With cautious fingers, he ran them through Bella's hair, and gulped several times, before he was able to choke out a response. "Bella, I'm your dad. I'm your dad, and—and everything's…. E-everything's going to be alright," Charlie said, his face scrunching into a weary, pain-stricken expression. Then needing the comfort, he grasped Bella's hand tightly.

Bella continued to stare at the weeping man blankly. Her mind was in a whirl, yet the whirl was of nothingness – like a blizzard, or even the grainy static of a television set that had shorted out. It was swirling and swirling and never settling down or straightening out, like an impossibly twisted knot. Fuzzy and unreal. Blank. Still, it didn't feel right to let this man sob uncontrollably while she simply lay here, doing nothing. Not proper at all. Bella lifted her other hand and threaded it through his brown hair, comforting him ever so slightly.

Carlisle silently edged out of the room, and soundlessly closed the door. When he was in the small hallway outside the door, leaned his back against it, and heaved a small, weary sigh….

_Why did this have to happen?_

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**Author's Note- Thanks again to my lovely and talented beta Aine for fixing God knows how many repetitive errors and silly little sentences. I swear I'd sound like I'm five if it weren't for her. Lots of hugs **

**Redeem**

**PS- I know I said reviews were like cookies last time. This time they are seven-layer cake. You understand… I had to throw a bone to the COCL. :**


	4. Tests

29/08/2007 16:27:00

**AN- As usual, I do not own the world of Twilight. I only play in its sandbox. Many thanks to my lovely beta Aine, whose confidence in me is more helpful than she knows. **

Tests

Carlisle threaded his long ivory fingers through his golden tresses before releasing a pent-up sigh.

He knew that being closely acquainted with a human, such as Bella, would have certain "side effects," but he never imagined becoming so emotionally attached to one particular human being ever again. He suspected that Bella's affinity towards danger would always cause problems as well, but for the first time in quite a while, he was worried. Seriously worried! It seemed as if all of the bullets his family had dodged in the past were coming back to bite them. Hard. Especially Edward, but he was also aware that the rest of his family was feeling the effects. And just maybe this time they wouldn't escape it.

Bella might not recover. And that was a scary thought indeed. One that would most likely change everything about their lives. He realized during their brief stint of absence this past year that Bella had become intricately intertwined in all their destinies, but never,_ never_ imagined something like this could have so many repercussions.

For the first time in a long time, Carlisle felt tired. Weary. Afraid.

_What will this do to Edward? _

Carlisle eased himself up off the door and tread slowly past the reception desk. He paused long enough to award a small smile to Ms. Nash, a 26 year old girl fresh out of medical school who had taken a certain liking to him. He tried not to encourage the females in the hospital who had done as she had, but nonetheless he remained polite to them all.

As he passed the reception desk, he took a sharp left and strode down a hallway to the lab. He needed to pick up Bella's tests, but his mind was elsewhere.

If Edward had reacted so badly to the loss of Bella before, during their absence, how would be respond to her not knowing him at all? Surely he would want to nearly glue himself to Bella's side, in the hopes that she would soon regain her memory. Yes, surely he would want to do that. Edward had learned the hardest way possible that when he couldn't be with the love of his life, he felt more than empty. He felt wasted away. Less than dead.

Carlisle touched on the briefest memory of his beloved Esme. Even then he could not help but smile at the sight of her in his perfect memory. Her mahogany hair swept down past her shoulders, and her eyes were filled with such kindness and devotion, especially, he knew, when she looked at him. He recalled a few of the times he had to separate himself from her, one for instance, was just last year, in Phoenix. The memory tugged at him, and he became quickly consumed in fear and worry, if even for only a moment.

He was abruptly pulled from his reverie by the girlish croon of one of the lab assistants. Mrs. Truman waved to him frantically, her short, plump fingers laden with several garish rings. Mrs. Truman was a middle-aged woman with a stocky disposition and an even girlier countenance. She had been married for nearly 30 years, but had taken a special shine to him nonetheless.

"Oooh, Dr. Carlisle, how nice it is to see you here. How have you been? What brings you to this little corner of the hospital?" Mrs. Truman giggled, as if the funniest thought in the world had just crossed her mind.

"Good evening, Connie. Yes, I've been quite well, thank you. Actually, I came down for Bella Swan's test results." Carlisle smiled as much as his distracted thoughts would allow him. He could hear Mrs. Truman chattering on about the _loveliest_ chat she just had with Chief Swan the other day, though it was not difficult to tune her out. He had perfected a method of displaying interest in his features while allowing his mind to wander.

He still couldn't shake the feeling that Edward's reaction towards Bella's current state wouldn't be as predictable as he'd convinced himself of. Edward wouldn't try to do anything rash, would he? His eldest son was, by far, the most unpredictable member of his family, and may or may not decide to take revenge on the Quileute wolves for the accident. Or perhaps do something even worse? If she wasn't already, he would have to ask Alice to keep an eye on him, starting immediately.

"Oh here you are, Dr. Carlisle." Mrs. Truman handed him the test results with a flirty smile, her left hand absently fluffing the back of her short, wispy curls.

Carlisle reached out for them and took a quick glance through. The X-rays showed some slight abnormalities to the left cortex of her brain, and some swelling. He quickly calculated symptoms of this. Usually, either concussions, inability to make decisions or communicate ensued, or in rare cases, retrograde amnesia.

"I can't believe how unfortunate it is that poor Bella Swan seems to have so many accidents, and at such a young age. I mean, _head trauma_? Well, that is only what the gossip is in the break room. Right now it must seem that to the poor girl, no one she ever knew has ever existed. I must say that—"

Carlisle's head snapped in the direction of Mrs. Connie Truman, who had unwittingly just given him a startling, horrifying revelation.

_As if I never existed?_

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_A dark corridor flashed into view. There was a figure there – a man – who was crouched down, leaning against the right wall in the narrow hallway. Dry sobs could be heard as they were choked out between the hands cupped over his mouth. In what little light there was, the figure's skin seemed to glint eerily, almost reflective, while his hair, the color of burnt amber, stood in stark contrast of the colorless scene._

Alice streaked down the ER hallway to face the corridor of her vision. There she saw Edward, slumped down onto the ground, staring emptily at the bland tan-like pattern on the wall across from him. Gingerly, she floated to where he sat, and gracefully lowered herself to the space next to him.

She did not say anything for a moment, but her thoughts told him everything he was supposed to hear.

_Carlisle should be getting the tests soon. _

Edward didn't blink. Didn't even move a muscle in her direction.

_Poor Bella, she must seem so confused, not a familiar face in the room. _

At this, Edward slowly closed his eyes, not breathing, still not moving.

_You need to go back and see her. Your face was the first one she had seen, so you should be there… and I'm sure that just as soon as Carlisle gets the tests back, it will confirm the potential for memory gain. _

For a moment, Edward remained motionless. Then, in one lithe movement, he rose, turning to face the dead end of the empty corridor and away from her.

Alice sighed and stared despondently at her hands. As soon as she did she was forced into the throes of another vision.

_Carlisle was staring at the piece of paper in his hands as he ran to find her._ _She was sitting in a hard plastic chair outside of Bella's room. He approached her quickly, and the look in his eyes was uncharacteristically worried._

"_Alice, I need you to keep a close eye on Edward. I fear that he may try something immediate, once his mind clears a bit. I'm worried that he may decide to take revenge on the Quileute wolves, because of the damage to Bella's memory. It's retrograde amnesia, Alice. Her mind has blocked all memory of people and places. This form of retrograde amnesia is rare…."_

_She stared at him, horrified, as a small gasp escaping her lips._

"_What I'm more worried about is Edward getting it into his mind that this is some sort of sign. One that says he is meant to stay away from Bella. He may decide to leave again, Alice. Or worse, he may decide to invoke the 'help' of the Volturi. I want you to warn the others too, and make sure Jasper and Emmett will watch him as well."_

As the vision faded, Alice's head snapped to Edward's figure in the end of the corridor. She waited for some form of expression from him, even a twitch. But instead, he remained impassive, staring into the wall as if he had not heard a thing. Instantly worried, Alice checked Edward's future to see if he had gotten any ideas from Carlisle's imminent conversation with her, but all she could see was him sitting in Bella's room. Thankfully, there were no immediate changes.

The thought of Edward trying anything that Carlisle was going to mention worried her nonetheless. So she rose and crossed the room in a few strides, to stand next to him once more.

"Edward, I don't want you to worry. Just be patient, and everything will come back to her. Even if I haven't seen it yet, I know it. Why don't you go back and see her?"

However, Edward simply chose to ignore her.

Heaving a sigh, Alice thought_, I might as well go. I need to speak to Carlisle immediately, anyway. _She knew full well that he was listening to every word, even though it appeared as if he wasn't. So with that in mind, she made her opinion abundantly clear._ It will be good for him if he spends time with her. And even better for Bella! _

And without a moment to lose, Alice spun on her heel and exited the corridor.

Edward remained in the space for a few moments with his eyes drawn shut, the only windows to the tremendous grief he was feeling. When he opened them again, he whispered to himself in almost an awed voice….

"Is this really a sign?"

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Bella sat uncomfortably in the stiff hospital bed, glancing around the simple room with an incomprehensible expression on her face. It was a mixture of confusion, fear, frustration, and amusement. She glanced to Charlie from time to time, who had taken to pacing around the room, and chattering needlessly. He hadn't even tried to ask her about anything she might remember in fear of provoking another panic attack. Instead, he talked about all the possible things they were going to do to help her recover, and made several casual references to people that both of them knew, or in this case, once knew.

"I don't know how in the world I'm going to explain this to your mother." Charlie raked his fingers through his short curly hair. He kept taking quick glances in Bella's direction, almost like he was checking that she was still there.

"I think – if Dr. Cullen says it's alright – we might take a trip over to La Push to see Billy and Jake. But then again it might be better for you to stay at home and rest. You definitely need to get your strength back, I think that—"

Bella allowed a corner of her mouth to twitch upward. This man – Charlie – said he was her father. She observed him as he paced and talked, paced and talked. He had the habit of tugging on his left ear followed by running his fingers through his hair when he was anxious. Bella watched the curious man try to ease some of the tension in the room by talking about mundane things.

What irked her was this wall, for a lack of a better word, which seemed to have implanted itself in her head. Blocking off all sorts of thoughts and memories tumbling around in her head that she knew were there, but couldn't place. All she could remember were the events of the last half hour, and there was shockingly little to remember.

It was all so strange. She found that it was only people, places, and events that seemed to escape her memory. While she still knew the names of things, what they did, and how to use them. She could also remember what the name of every object in the room was. Bed, chair, lamp, door…

But, what really frustrated her was the inability to remember anything that seemed significant. Who cared if she knew what a lamp did?

Just then, Charlie's pacing was broken by the quiet opening of a door as Carlisle walked back into the room. He closed the door quietly and made sure to smile when he caught Bella's eye. However, he did not speak directly to her.

"Charlie, I'm afraid the damage is worse than I feared." His soft voice intoned in a manner that Bella could not hear. "The left cortex of her brain has been subjected to some severe swelling, and thus I believe Bella is suffering from retrograde amnesia. Now, there are types of therapy, and I do believe—" 

Bella strained to hear the doctor's quiet words, but he spoke too softly for her to hear. Instead, she concentrated on his face. She studied it, noting his exact features, how perfect they seemed to be. She had only seen a scattering of humans that she could remember, but there was something odd about this one. A sort of edge that didn't feel quite right, though the doctor seemed to be remarkably kind.

Carlisle, when finished speaking with Charlie, turned and sat on the foot of Bella's bed, on the very edge.

"Bella," he began softly. "When you were in a car accident a few hours ago, you suffered some head trauma. That's why you can't remember anything about the accident. I take it you can't remember anyone's name?"

Bella shook her head.

Carlisle nodded, as if he expected it. "Do you know what any of these objects are?" He motioned to the bed she was laying on, and the chair beside the bed.

Bella stared at them for just a moment before she answered. "Yes, Dr. Cullen. This is a bed and that is a chair."

Carlisle nodded once more. "Can you tell me what they are used for?"

"The chair is for sitting on and the bed is to sleep on."

"Good." Carlisle smiled warmly at her willingness to readily talk. "Can you remember a time when you've ever used these objects?"

Bella once more opened her mouth to respond, but faltered for a moment. She looked slightly dazed, contemplating. Finally she shook her head, momentary shock crossing her face.

Carlisle hesitated for one moment, and then nodded again. He had been hoping, with her ability to recall the use of the objects in the room, that the damage to her memory had not been as bad as he'd feared.

"Alright, Bella. Physically, you are just fine. You should be able to return home tomorrow if your vitals stay solid. Since you seem to be suffering from some memory loss, I'm going to have you come in twice a week for some therapy. Perhaps it will help you to regain your memories."

Carlisle rose and turned to Charlie again, this time discussing possible therapeutic methods he could use to help Bella regain her lost memory. He left a moment later, and Charlie turned to face Bella, his expression unreadable. He sat down on the hard plastic chair at the head of the bed and grasped Bella's hand tightly.

"Don't you worry, Bells. We'll get this figured out. I promise."

Bella smiled slightly and squeezed his hand a little tighter. After a moment, she turned to Charlie. "D-Dad," she asked. "What happened to that boy that was in my room earlier? _Edward_, I think?"

Charlie gave her a look that meant he would rather not think about that at the moment, but he sighed. "I'm not sure, Bells. Maybe he went out to get some air."

"Are… Edward and I… close? It just seemed that way to me… when he first talked to me…."

Charlie lifted his eyes to meet Bella's curiously frustrated gaze. Charlie despaired at the look in those eyes.

"Yes, Bella. You and Edward are pretty close. You two seem to be very good friends." Charlie answered as honestly as he could.

Bella's mouth turned up at the corner, and she laid her head back down on the pillow, lost in thought.

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_Paul, you are such an idiot!_

_Way to go, now what happens?_

_Do you realize what you've done?_

_I'm going to tear you apart and break off all your limbs!_

The last thought was Jacob's, sent hurtling in Paul's direction at a furious speed. A russet colored, shaggy looking wolf hurtled out from behind a tree to take down a smaller gray one. The two wolves bit and tore at each other, fighting tooth and nail, as if they had only one purpose in mind: to break each other apart.

_Enough. _

A firm reprimand came from the mind of the largest wolf, a solid and unwavering command that was neither soft nor loud. At once, all the other wolves froze and turned their heads in the direction of their Alpha.

_Paul, if I remember correctly, you said that the bronze haired leech came onto the Quileute territory? _

Sam turned his large head to the smaller gray wolf, who nodded once. _Yes._

The large wolf lowered his head, almost like in a weary sigh, a human action that looked out of place on such a large creature.

_Then it has begun. The bloodsucker has broken the treaty. _

_Sam, I'm sure they won't see it that way. Since this turd-brain over here hit Bella, they may view it as a hit on them first, especially with the details being so conflicted._

Jacob inclined his russet head in Paul's direction, a menacing look on his wolfish face. A low growl rumbled from his throat, and he crouched angrily, almost like he had just remembered his reason for despising Paul at the moment.

_Be still, I say. _ Sam commanded again, and reluctantly, the two wolves broke their gaze. _What Jake says is true. It may not be wise to view the treaty as broken as of yet. I think we should wait to act._

The other wolves nodded their heads in agreement, but they all turned at the sound of Jacob barreling away from the clearing in the opposite direction. He ran as fast as he could, emotion tumbling out his senses like a tempest windstorm. He ran for a span of a few minutes, and slowed when he came to a small stream lining the neck of the woods. Like a great, shuddering sigh, he transformed back into his human form, and slipped on a pair of sweatpants he had tied to his leg.

He sat down on a log, dipping his feet into the clear water, lost in thought.

_What happened to you, Bella? What will you think of us? Of me? _


	5. Doubt

_**AN-GASP! I've returned from the dead. No, seriously, I am really sorry that it's taken so long for me to update. Now, this chapter is deceivingly short, (No, really. Hahaha) but trust me, it is extremely vital. It encompasses a major choice that Edward has to make, and the outcome could change the entire plot of the story, so enjoy! Be sure to read it slowly, it seems a little more significant that way.**_

_**Thanks to my incredible betas Aine and Alcyone for helping me –finally—put words onto paper here. **_

_**I put this chapter through a **_**slight**_** revamp—I wasn't completely satisfied—so I hope you like the changes!**_

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_I told myself _

_I won't go away, _

_I let you believe _

_I was here to stay. _

_I heard you speak_

_This is the greatest day._

_I watched you weep _

_Now I want to pray._

_Lord make it go away._

_I can't deal with me today._

_What am I supposed to say?_

_Damn I want to pray._

_Damn I want to pray._

-Ethan Christ

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Doubt.

What a strange, powerful emotion that can leave your insides writhing in absolute disgust, your stomach churning, a tightening of your throat, a sudden itch suffusing your hands.

Edward absently touched his abdomen with a cold hand, utterly hating himself.

He had a choice to make.

It wasn't one that usually fell to the lot of mortals. It shouldn't fall to anyone, now that he thought about it. No, the choice he had to make was somewhere between the selfish need to survive and the overwhelming desire to do what is right.

He cursed the nature of his being, once again. The demon that he was. He felt he was to blame, for her memories, for her confusion, for everything. Of course, this time, it wasn't actually his fault. Those blasted dogs may have thought he was in the car, not Bella, but that was beside the point. What happened was atrocious enough.

And it _was_ his fault he wasn't there in time.

_This is my chance, _he thought bleakly.

_This is my chance to walk away. Bella will never know who I am. She won't ever miss me; she won't go through any of this ever again. I'll stick around long enough to eradicate Victoria, and then I'll go. Disappear from her life—forever. I can do it this time._

_It'll be as if I never existed. _

When faced with his own words once more, Edward cringed. The fatal, flawed words seemed so excruciating when faced with the fact they very well could be true. For with painful clarity, Edward remembered Brazil. And he remembered his suffering—the pain was so potent that it was as if he lived it all over again.

_Curled into a tight ball, his face was buried under the crook of his arm, shielded from the faint ray of light peeking through a crevice in the wall and diffusing the repulsive scent wafting from the refuse heap nearby. This creature did not even stir, not to blink nor to breathe. _

_His agony was time-tested. It was the weight of a thousand years of suffering resting directly on his shoulders, and only one image of pure light dulled his torture._

_He replayed images of his lost love in his mind at a frantic speed. Sometimes, he would try to let go, and let his mind get lost in them. The only light in his life existed in his memories. _

_His pleasant thoughts came at a cost, though. With these memories came the haunted visions of her pain, and the pulsing ache of his self-loathing. He was addicted to his memories of love, but they were only memories—they only ebbed at the agony that suffocated him._

"_Keeping her human is more important than anything else in the world."_

His mantra played in reverb again and again, but it couldn't extinguish the acidic fire burning his blackened heart.

_And indeed it is black,_ he decided, as indecision morphed into something concrete. _For I already know what I'm going to do. I knew it all along, didn't I? I'm too weak to choose what's best for her. No, forced between self-survival and the deepest love—the right choice!—I am the lowest of cowards, aren't I? So quick to choose my own needs above all others. I can't let her go. _

_How terribly selfish. _

No, he could not do it. He could not make the choice his mind screamed at him to make. He felt the burning of his resignation engulf him, and the demonic monster within him cackled with glee—for it had won. Not just the battle, but the war itself.

Because Edward did not choose what he knew was right. He chose wrong, and he loathed himself for it.

_How could a choice be right when it is impossible to make? _Carlisle had quoted a passage for him once, " God does not give you to temptation what you do not have the power to resist. He always leaves a back door."

Indeed, Edward _was_ powerless. He was powerless to resist the draw of the only happiness he had ever known. In that definitive moment, he knew what he had to do.

He could not leave; he was too despicably weak. So he had to find another way.

He'd have to help her remember somehow. Their entire life together—those perfect moments in time—was hidden behind a wall blocking her memories. He'd break it down.

And if he couldn't, he'd make her fall in love with him all over again.


End file.
